SAD sad sad

feeling so sad wish i could cry so many and much of me's are hurting. No one knows, and we are sad too cause our friend carol hasn't called us the whole summer and only email once. just so disconnected and feeling so uncared about, but knowing that she does care. Its just hard cause its like because she is not here, i dont exist but again thats just my feeling and not reality but it hurts so much her not calling cause I did leave a message once that i was thinking about her. Just feeling so sad about the whole sunday school situation, which i am pretty sure i wrote another entry about but not sure, too tired to go over it tho so will check my entries sometime and see if i have explained it.

worried about my Brother Joe, have just been having a horrible feeling that he is going to have a car accident. for those that may not know, sometimes I see things or have feelings about things that eventually have come to happen. I have been pushing it down, trying not to think about it, because I have never felt or seen something about someone i care about. The mom also has this ability and i finally told her about it, and started crying. She told me that on March first, he was pulled over by a cop at 1 am, his tag and lic was expired, because his b day is feb 13. well the cop said he smelled alcohol on his breath. well he said to the cop, i dont know how to bring this up but my cousin is Jerry Stramiello, (he is a cop) so he said your Stams cousin? he said yeah, so the cop didnt charge him with DWI just for the expired tag and Lic. and made him take a cab home. 

the mom didnt tell me this before, so any way i am hoping and praying this is why i been having this horrible feeling, and that nothing worse is in his future, he is not the brother that i know anymore and i am so sad, cause i loved him and he is the only one in my immediate family that i have love for any he loved me. I do love the mom, but  its not the same cause I dont really love her cause she is my mom, just cause i know she suffered in her life possibly more so than me, but that i will never know, because i dont think she can reach that info for her self.

the brother i knew is gone, and i feel a part of me is gone with him