My week and will the real multiples stand up

It is Sunday, I stayed home from church I slept for a lot of the day I needed a break so much that I can't decide if it helped me to have one or not for the majority of the week I had nightmares awful awful dreams most of the worse ones happened during the day I think. I am feeling pretty depressed and tired. You wouldn't think I would be tired sense all I've been doing a sleeping. I ate better than usual for the last two days but I feel like crap my head hurts and I just don't feel good. I canceled my ride to the school tomorrow, I thought I was going to be watching Dawson he is sick. Yolanda didn't call, but I canceled it anyway truth be told I really didn't want to go.

It seems like when I get the time that I really need to rest I get rest but that's not all I get. People inside assert themselves. What they will do, what they won't do, who they will talk to who, they won't talk to and what they will do to accomplish their goals a lot of which aren't good goals to have. In my opinion

And I'm so tired of non multiples weighing in on things that are for us. A sourcebook is for people that need it not for people that want to study. I am just not in a very good mood right now I am tired of Bob, I don't care what he thinks about books for multiples I don't care what he thinks about anything in the context of multiples or multiplicity just needed to say that. Going to go lay back down, right now I wish I could stay there forever

our Thanksgiving Day

Today Thanksgiving Day started ok except  lots more bad dreams Yolanda Dawson and Larissa came. That was nice, the food was really good Dawson and Joseph had a great time playing together. The psycho dad put then higher toilet in their bathroom for some reason I couldn't do it but that happens to me sometimes the first time I try. I called mom in there but I still couldn't do it I was on the edge of my seat I told her to get the psycho dad no one came I started yelling and yelling and yelling finally he comes in I was like where were you? he said I was out in the Van then my brother told me when I was still in there not to yell when he's talking on the phone to somebody I said you  idiot I was falling, didn't you have any idea that something might be wrong? I mean what did he think I was yelling for my health?

And then there's Olsen, I decided to brush him last night about 12:30 a.m. because I really hadn't in a couple of days probably in about a week to be honest. I brushed and brushed and brushed well what does he do? Even though the pool was covered to keep the heat in, he jumps right in LOL there went my brushing now he's just exhausted on the couch another Thanksgiving over another year is gone

I am not going to do anything tomorrow more relaxing I hope I don't have any more bad dreams last night was the worst yet so bad that I can't even write it but it's one of those that I never will forget just like lots of them lately

Who knows who knows who

why? but still proud

Why do people have to say hurtful things? I'm just minding my own business, having enough trouble as it is. Why can't people just leave me alone?

Sorry had to change the color Barb NLN sent me an e-mail to one address I didn't block of hers actually, she sent it to the owners address of the list thing not to use the picture she made for me. And on and on this means that someone on the list has been talking about me behind my back. I am not going to let it get to me, it's just that the truth means a lot to me and I would not lie about someone. I think the only person I have ever lied about is to myself about myself. And that's only because I need to sometimes because if I was truthful about everything. I think I would be too scared to keep going to keep trying. I know that's a weird logic, it makes sense to me, though. And I guess that's all that matters

All in all, I am proud of myself though if this situation had happened a year ago maybe. I probably wouldn't stand up for myself. All I did was care. I was honest with her, if someone told you they were down to 88 pounds and you knew they were taking diet pills. Not only that but they told you they were going to die if they stayed where they were and that they were going back to a place where they were horribly abused, that their parents, who were responsible for that abuse were out of prison, that this person had changed her name to get away from the people. But now were going back, wouldn't any logical person be afraid for their friends? Would I have been  a friend, if I didn't tell her I was afraid and scared for her? So I told her my fears

The next day I get a nasty letter from her saying that if I was truly her friends. I would support her, that everyone else has I really don't remember a lot of it. But she was very critical of me and told me that if I couldn't support her. Basically that she didn't want anything to do with me. I wrote her letter, told her that it wasn't that I didn't support her that I was scared for her and didn't want to loose her and that that's where my comments were born from. I told her I wasn't going to say I was wrong for caring about her and that if she wanted to get in touch with me she knows where I am of course before she wrote me the nasty letter. She left, the list. Once again

A few months later, I got the picture she made for me with me in a wheelchair. So I contacted her, and we talked. I asked her if she'd like to try again, she said she would like that. She rejoined the list and then the dreaded subject came up about people feeling they were born multiple, to make that story a little shorter. She put me down in front of the whole list, and with our friendship,Being in the fragile state it was, That was it for me. Not only did she keep a subject going that was real hurtful to someone that was new to our list but she put me down in the process

I know I made the right decision. I know I needed to end things after I got yet another mean message but I feel guilty. I feel guilty because of secret and little girl. Viney was thier first friend but not only that. We don't give our heart to just anybody and we don't give it easily. So there is a lot of hurt, but still we are proud that we stood up for what we believed was right we didn't say we were wrong just to keep the friendship because we knew it would just keep happening if we didn't agree with everything she said or thought that is  what we have to hold on to

We are going to go try and sleep we want to stay home so much tomorrow, but we won't, I hope church goes okay, because way too much has happened lately we need peace

we hope some will to us tomorrow

trying to get back in the habit of writing

Not sure what to say, just want to try to get in the habit again writing because I haven't in a long time I'm going to the trailer of the parents have on Wednesday. Really don't feel like going, but they fixed the bathroom, so hopefully I can use it. So I'm going to go check that out. I can't let Olsen get wet because it won't wash his advantage off but he can still run around. I hope I can sleep good. I took an hour now. Kind of late, but I couldn't help I couldn't stay awake just feeling weird is the best way I can describe it. I guess just feeling kind of numb not firmly planted, but it's different than usual. Maybe it's just cause my body is tired. I almost feel like I'm being blocked from everybody else right now. I don't know. Oh well like I said, I just wanted to get back in the habit of writing here. I know I said I had a lot to say and when I said that I probably did LOL. But I don't remember much in the last couple of days at all

Maybe I'll feel better if I get some sleep

and April if you read this get in touch with me am worried about you

I have so much to say

have so much i need to talk about but its late so much inside goodnight for now