what to say?

Here I am sitting here, feeling lost an alone. wanting to be, safety in aloneness. just wanna get smaller and smaller, feel better, but than worse. Wish i could just get a new brain that would work how its suppose to. How is that? I have no clue. I don't know how I am gonna be ok again. So lost/ Barb

I feel so stupid and ungrateful

I feel so bad, I feel so bad for all the people that got them homes and things and pets destroyed. I have so much to my greatful for, why am I not doing what i need to keep myself healthy. I can not bare the sadness that I see on TV. I should be go greatful, and yet I treat myself like crap, its like i am not even thankful for all God has given me. I don't know what to do, I tell myself just to do what i know is right, eat good, but it feels like an impossible task. I feel like i don't deserve Gods help, because I am doing this to myself. Sad and scared

My first entry - whats eating me's

Well here i am writing, could be dangerous LOL. Had a good day with Amy's and toby dog. Ate this morning, but very hungry. Can't eat though, been doing that way too much. I am so scared gonna gain wieght. want to be so thin, and I am way to fat. Gotta do better, but afraid to do too good. What do I do? Like the hugry feeling cause then i won't gain, or throw up. thats it for now mostly Barb