Finally here I am once again

 It's been a long time since I've written anything but there's so much inside I'm going to try.  I have been feeling really sad really hopeless and tired of the person that I am or I guess I should say people that I am. I don't know how to help myself not only that but I don't feel like I can let anybody in far enough or close enough to help us either. we feel like this is our responsibility it is our job and our burden. we feel like we deserve to be alone, this is how it has always been, we cannot let people into that place and because we can't, it will be to our end. some things are never to be shared they are to be ours alone, there never was anyone to help us we learned that we must take care of ourselves we learned that people aren't to be trusted Yes it has been many years, but we feel like all we have touched is the very tip of a huge iceberg that still is in danger of swallowing us.  you say to talk about issues?  What kind of issues?  It's hard to talk about issues when all you want to do is go away. when you don't want to fight anymore when you don't want to argue when you don't want to keep pretending and when you don't want to keep going If we talk about issues it is not going to make us normal and it is not going to make us like who we are.  It is not going to be enough to take all the little pieces and make them fit all nice neat and tidy.  to talk about issues is not going to give us resolve that we don't have it is not going to make us like the people that we are and it is not going to give us strength that we just don't have Talking about issues is not going to give us our life back,  it's not going to change what happened and we are still going to be stuck with a family of strangers- the abusers and the cowards that made us and gave us this wonderful life. we feel like a piece of glass that has been so shattered and broken but somehow unfortunately it still connected still breathing somehow Wondering when the final blow will happen, when everybody cannot hold together anymore not even by a thread some of us wish for that.  That wish is what keeps some of us going Some things are not meant to be shared with others some issues as you call them.  silence can mean salvation even though we know silence will mean our end eventually The majority of us are not hopeful it is hard to try when you're tired, the ones that are hopeful are just too young to know any better, it would be easier if you would go away, we don't deserve you either