another friday

Another Friday I cleaned the house a little bit threw away some papers always feel better when I do that I got the bill for my shorts that I got a few weeks ago. Oh top too, pretty cool getting an outfit for $1.00 LOL that will probably never happen again in less I go to the thrift store that would even be hard to pull off in a  thrift store would imagine. I am not feeling really good today, my head hurts my stomach hurts I'd just feel blah. Larissa came, so I got my hair washed she did the floor and change my bed. and the man came to put a battery in my smoke alarm thank the lord. no more chirping. I've been saying I was gonna lay down all day but I haven't. I am glad nobody's coming here tomorrow it scares me how happy that makes me. it bothers me that I don't wanna do anything. I am so glad to have a dog that likes me no matter what. HE loves me even if I never say a word. I even think he knows how I feel even if I don't say anything. I love this creature but I feel I don't even Deserve him someties. I feel so lost and  I don't even know what from. how come I can be doing so well and then fall so far that I never think I'm gonna get up again? it happened so fast but then it didn't. it's like I always have to outrun the darkness within. does everybody have to do that all the time?  does everybody have this much pain inside them? Will there ever be the day when I can stop running and enjoy who I am? will there be a day that I can stand still? Will there be day when I won't have to outrun my tears? will the day come that I will feel like I did nothing wrong? will the day come that I won't  have to outrun my rage or even worse deny it's  there at all? Maybe I'm asking too much? I am so tired of running yet too scared to stand still. what is the solution to that? is there one? Thanks for listening 
from many