gosh i dont know whats going on i know some of the little ones are really sad and someone is crying i think. I know i lost lots of time at dawn's and just havent felt good since. really i feel like i want to cry but i dont know why. I made an appt friday to take olsen for a bath but i am going to canc it my inside is taking up to much energy and i dont have any to spare, I HATE when this happens cause it makes me feel so "not normal" I am really tired and sleepy, have a bad headache and stomach is all queezy. I dont understand why i can eat junk food and be ok but it seems when i try to eat regular food i feel so sick and end up throwing up, i mean its not that i make myself, it happens even if i dont want to and even if i don't eat lots of food, but i can eat a pint of ice cream or bag of chips and be fine i just dont get that. I just feel like a fat cow i know that though
also my stupid smoke alarm keeps beeping like every 30 seconds cause the battery is low, i called mant. this morning at 9 am and left a message and no one called or came yet. the damn beep is driving me crazy. i just dont even feel like talking or interacting with anyone, its taking all i have just trying not to get lost in my head. sometimes i feel if i surrender to them i wont be able to find my way out, it seems that happens sometimes where i just almost can't function, but this is different cause i feel if i let that happen i dont know, its like there is a sense of dread and fear thats the different part i think.
Maybe i am crazy after all? god i dont want to see larissa tomorrow, she is coming to do laundry and i asked her to bring me some stuff from the store
give me strenght, give me peace give me calm please
who the hell knows who we are?
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