hi to me's my sunday and probably more too

Isnt life grand?  well update ok. I did get my puter back thank you mama saprono and christi. and of course god too. been missing quite a bit of time as of late great, i love that LOL I did have an awesome time friday at church they had a musical show it was wonderful. told ppl i should get an award for the best sit down dancer LOL I swear i wish i could walk only to be able to dance then i would just go in my chair. I would love to be able to dance. i do have rythem very good for a white girl if i do say so myself, although just cause I am white on the outside i know lots aren't that way on the inside, it has been hard as of late because i am very much aware of my blackness its just hard to hear it actually coming out of my mouth, it just sounds so much different on the outside 

one of the van drivers asked him i was mixed cause he said i sounded black, i told him what a good friend said to me that i am ethinically inriched, and he said yes you are. its so hard because the voice is actually so different, which i didnt realize till extremely recently, I was inside saying just stop this i can stop talking this way, i am doing it on purpose but i couldnt stop talking that way because it wasnt me doing the talking and its just so hard

when i was 7 my mom actually had me evaluated by the speech therapist cause of how i was talking, and she told her i was using "black lingo" little did i know it was an insider. I been thinking why they were created and for one, until we moved to FL, i wasnt around lots of ppl that were black and two "the family" is extremely predidest   altough they would never admit that, they would just wait and talk behind ppls backs and even being 7 it hurt me so much, cause l really loved my friends and the ppl that helped me at school so i think that played a big part in why they were created that way. it was a way of me standing against them and saying that I am that way too and i dont care if you dont love me or that you judge me. all ppl are ok with me even if you dont like them, I have some inside that are spanish, and still can't figure out the one that speaks her own language, its so weird all the sudden these sounds come out of my mouth that sound like jibbish to me, i really dont get that.

the eating is not good for the last few days, wish that didnt make me so happy, yes i am fucked up i know back to school tomorrow to my kids, love them, and i pray i can give them some joy , even if it is just for a few hours, when they smile i just feel so wonderful, and thats one of my purposes in this fucked up world we live in, one of my missions in live so for now  god thank you for giving me my pain so i know where they are and can love them inspite of what they may show on the outside to survive I know cause i am them too
my crowd