why

I try to do so much, give to others so i can feel useful and that i am being helpful and not just taking up space. I feel so much sadness though and can't find my way out. I am so afraid, afraid of giving up, afraid of keeping on trying. I was so happy to meet christy and amys, now i want to keep at a distance so maybe it wont hurt as much when they lieve. I hate time, just hate the passing of time. Time isn't a friend to me, not at all, time is scary so scary and I dont even know why.Time has brought me so much pain, and i feel there is so much more to come and i am powerless to stop it. I can't stop time, i can stop me though. I just can't believe that i was brought to this earth to feel so much sadness, there has to be more, i just feel like i need to run because if i dont the sadness and pain and past will swallow every single ounch of me. feel so so alone, miss carole miss marilyn, miss having peoplle i love to go out with and have fun. carole got that house, so now she is gonna be here less and less even. I was so happy when amy and christy came, now they are leaving, I dont wanna be swallowed up, please help me get out from where ever this is good night