hopes dreams and fear

Today is Wednesday, I had a good birthday. Boy did I get a surprise on Monday Joe's mother called me from his house to say happy birthday boy was I surprised LOL but I was even more surprised to find out that Joe was divorced these last six months or so I have been thinking about him and saying to myself maybe he'll get a divorce, and then yelling at myself that I was crazy well actually others yelling at me that I was crazy I totally can't believe this when he got married I think it was about five years ago I was happy for him but I was so sad at the same time because I realize that that moment how much I really loved him and wish that I could be with him forever

Now maybe I have the chance? I have known him since 1973 that's when we moved to Florida I love his mother in his step dad they have been so good to me throughout the years me and Joe went to concerts together he sent me flowers quite often on my birthdays he was always there even through my problems although I didn't tell him much and gosh I didnt know much, thats a whole nother issues a big one

he has an accessible house that he got through Habitat for Humanity. I am trying not to get too far ahead of myself but at the same time when the time is right I am going to tell him how I feel he is the only person I truly think that I could live with that I want to live with. He lives in Lakeland it would mean leaving a lot of things behind a lot of people behind and I don't know if I could do it but I do think it's possible that I could and the fact that I think it's possible is pretty awesome within itself

I've tried to call him a couple of times but for one reason or another we couldn't talk and I have been abnormally busy this week so I'm going to try again tomorrow when I get home from working with the kids Joe has severe cerebral palsy, I used to think I wanted somebody that would be able to take care of me in all aspects of life but now I know so much of what I thought was important when you get down to it means absolutely nothing

if this does happen I would have a family a real family of my own but that is too hard to think about for right now because it brings up a lot of feelings mainly negative Ones that there's no way that will ever happen so I will leave that for now and just see what tomorrow brings one day at a time

good night for now