why did I do it?????

I am a fucking idiot! never called that cousin again to much to go into I should know not to call no one that sees the parents like all loving creatures that can do no wrong "they love you" there is that fucking word, thrown out so carelessly that word means shit to me feel like my brain has been put through a fucking meat grinder. Love????????? Love is fake, used to decieve to control to manipulate to hurt. to hide, and disguise, Love?? is said to make ppl stop saying their truth, to make them shut up, to trick, to use and abuse. Love?  they love you, but they hurt you, they love you, but they torcher you, they love you but they yell and scream, they love you but treat you like you are nothing, they love you, but will not help you when you most need, they love you but set you apart and leave you alone all by yourself, they love you but wont let you be with others, they love you but are jelous of your accomplishments, or if you have friends, they love you but they kill you bit by bit, they love you so much that all you want to do is die