Really upset

I am so upset I was looking so forward to going out today. The dad always bugs the crap out of me to make sure Stacy flips the switch down when she uses it to start the auxiliary battery if you don't put it down it will drain the battery down. Well this is the second time he's done it. So I couldn't go anywhere today, Stacy is getting the Sims games for me so I will have them at least.

Larissa made me mad this morning. She said something about my weight, I said I have lost weight which I have because I've been having a hard time eating and she was being real sarcastic, it was because she saw Candy wrappers on the floor. I have told her before I have a problem and not to talk about my weight, I told her that Candy was all I ate that day it was a handful of Hershey's kisses so she's proceeds to tell me how much fat that has (that's just what I needed) I told her again when I lost all the weight before I was starving myself, and making myself throw up. I asked her when is the last time she saw me bring food in the house? That food in my freezer has been there for at least two, then she proceeds to say how I drink cappuccino and one of those have at least 500 calories again just what I needed to hear I told her I have a problem that I'm doing the best I can, I told her she doesn't know what I go through I have flashbacks panic attacks that stems from when my father abused me. So what does she say? She says but I only see him helping you and doing things for you (of course) I said what about your first husband? How was he in front of people? He wasn't like that to you was he? Sometimes she's such a jerk. I think the whole thing started with her saying that my bra was tight and she remembers when she could put it on the tightest one.

It only seems to happen when I'm having the most problems I haven't been eating hardly anything I have lost weight in the last two weeks. And she tells me I'm gaining weight, well that just feeds into everything, I told her I have problems I told her it's in my head I said you know I used to cut myself I have problems she just doesn't know how much it hurts me sometimes and it's always about weight feels like I am still living with my mother.

I told her last week I got coffee and doughnuts and she said oh Barb, like as in how could you. I said don't worry about what I eat worry about what you eat. Well at least she was honest, because she said well I'm trying to deflect it away for myself I don't want to think about what I've been eating. I said oh that's how it goes

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As I was writing this my mom called to say that my cousin Anita has cancer actually she's my cousin's wife one of her daughters Gina is a drug addict. She is to really she's been taking Xanax for at least 10 years. That's why she wouldn't get another doctor because she knew she wouldn't be able to get her pills. She's been sick since September but she wouldn't go to the doctor. My mom said she is lost 30 pounds in three months. She has three tumors in her lung, they said one of them is really close to her heart. I know it's too late there is not any hope I have a feeling. I don't think it really has sunk in yet

I feel so bad for her husband Jerry he has been wanting her to go to the doctor for months but she wouldn't

Stacy should be back with the game pretty soon will write more later