Monday night blues

Its Monday night, the mom is going in the hospital tomorrow they are going to run a whole bunch of tests to make sure she'll be able to get through the surgery okay.  I am glad the doctor is being so cautious.  She will have the surgery on Wednesday am not sure what time.  At least the grandmother seems better, and Sheila will be here on Sunday.  It will be good, but I don't know about her being here for 14 weeks.  I love Sheila, but she is very quirky to put it mildly.  And I know I'm quirky, but that's why I live alone in my own house.  So I don't have to subject anyone to my quirkiness.  I just know never to invite somebody else out with us if they happen to be over the house.  That's one thing I know I don't really know how I feel about anything.  Ever since Larissa laid in to me a couple days ago about my weight.  I really been feeling awful.  I was feeling awful anyway, with everything that's going on, but it made it worse I don't think they're telling everybody anything about Anita on purpose they have to know something by now.  It bothers me that she won't see anybody I know it's her right and all but I am so scared that I'm not can see her and all the sudden we are going to hear that she died it doesn't make sense to me that she doesn't have an IV I just think she told them she didn't want one what a waste.  I don't think she had the will to live or to fight what is she have to go home to?  My 83-year-old aunt who I love very much.  She is one of the few in my family that I can say I love without reservation but I know it's hard for Anita having her there and then there is daughter Gina.  Everything revolves around Gina really keeping her from running away getting drugs and not hanging out with thugs doing things to get money for more drugs.  Anita is hold captive her permanent babysitter, but this is again by choice.  They should've kicked her out if it wasn't for Jerry she be in jail right now will not right now.  But she would have been there already maybe that wouldn't change her life?  I don't think Anita felt she had any reason to go back home this is all speculation, of course I'm having those I wish I could stay in bed forever moments impossible I know but I could wish Goodnight to me and my selves